Recent musings

some thoughts of recent days:

1. 'a year is not so long' / 'managing expectations'
When planning this sabbatical it never occurred to me I would want to extend this time beyond a year.  12 months away from all that is comfortable and safe felt like an eternity. When friends living in Costa Rica for a year decided to extend their stay, I couldn't imagine.  But after only 8 weeks here, I get it.  12 months is only the beginning.  A full cycle round the seasons, all 12 pictures on the wall calendar-and even then it is only the beginning when trying to know a place and its people.  Embarrassed to admit, but I think I imagined we could land in our new town, fit in, be embraced, build a life, find community, get involved.  I mean who wouldn't want to have us as friends??!!  How narcissistic could I be!  I was so excited about getting involved in the surf rowing until I fully understood the extent of the commitment and where I stood in the scene.  Came to realize kiwis are not the most forthcoming with certain information, nor very direct, and it took a bit of digging on my part to realize I needed to put in the time, get my lifeguard training, prove myself really if I wanted a seat in a boat.  All well and good, but 12 months will not be long enough to find myself a permanent place there this season.  Too bad cuz it looks really cool!   Time to move on to surfing!
I have come to realize that this expectation of building a true community for myself and the family will not be happening in our time here, and that is ok.  We will forever walk the outside of the circle.  and that is ok.
Challenges connecting with folks when I tell them I am here for only a year.  It's like a switch gets turned off and they no longer want to put any energy in my direction as I won't be around that long.  Not true of all for sure, and just this week I am making connections with a few folks.  Who needs more than that really, esp with work and kids and all the fun there is to be done here.  It is taking time for me, the social animal that I am, to figure all of this out, and there is more to come I am sure.   Today while hiking up the Mount I had to recognize that normally at home I would never be walking or running or playing alone.  Always use that time to connect with friends or be with AW.  Here I am always alone unless the rare time Maggie or the boys decide to join me.  And this is a good thing.   Can't complain about the location and being able to enjoy the sunshine and turquoise water while on my own.  Just having time to settle in with myself proves beneficial.
All this being said I have met two women, one MD colleague, married with 3 kids-daughter that will babysit for us and son the boys' age who will hang with them-who has extended herself to me in the kindest ways. And then there is Dawn Picken, from Spokane who is now living and about to marry to a kind Kiwi man.  She is great to share a meal with and talk about all of this transitional adjustment.  And truth is I spend more time with the kids than I know I would at home.  A disguised blessing more days :) We watch movies together, we play in the ocean, we explore the area, we carpool back and forth and I am still expected to tuck them in and snuggle them all every night!

2. the tidal shifts of puberty, does the moon have any effect?
Need to start charting what goes on around here, but there is definitely a wave effect.  Currently we are in an ebb tide, both boys relatively sane, but at any moment there will be a tidal surge and the alien I've come to refer to it as will invade one of the boys and the "fun" will start all over.  Amplified by the need to separate not only from me but their twin, the emotional wave will crest and all the rest of us can do is hang on for the ride.  As I come to understand the cycles, my patience and understanding grows.  Now I can laugh instead of cry.  And then I realized maybe being close to these boys all these years is making this process that much more challenging as the needed pushing away, becoming more independent is that much harder.  Who knows. All I know is today the waters are calm.

3. weekends are so much fun! boys off to rowing regatta early Sat AM (wish I had a picture for you of them in their gold and maroon singlets but there was no way they would let me take their photos!)  so Mags and I took in the farmers market, drank Chai lattes, then it was off to the Gypsy Fair.  Surrounded by colorful caravans, we hula hooped and she got her face painted.  We passed on the Tarot card readings though I sure could have used it.   Later another hike up the Mount, dinner prep, and pick up boys who had a a great time Noah rowing in an 8 with the older boys and Jack coxing the U 16 boys.  Big day for everyone.  Ended with girls' beach walk to see the almost full moon rise.
Today was even better-Maggie had Nippers at the surf club, Noah was on lifeguard duty at the club, Jack was rowing and I had an hour to myself to read and relax!   Surf lesson for the 4 of us was the highlight of day.  And Maggie was of course the best of our bunch!  She got up more times on the board than any of us.  So this week will see me buying some boards I'm afraid....

Love to all!

 Deb